Teri Holland (00:07.466)
Welcome back to Success in Mind. Today we're going to talk about a concept that is the literal master key to personal transformation. Have you ever noticed that you could have the perfect 12-week plan, the perfect gym membership, a library full of productivity books, and yet three weeks in you find yourself right back to where you started again? And it's frustrating, isn't it?
You blame your discipline or a lack of willpower, or maybe you tell yourself that you're just lazy. But the truth is that you cannot consistently perform in a way that is inconsistent with how you see yourself. Your self-image is like the thermostat in the room. If you see yourself as a 70 degree person, your self-image is
like the thermostat in the room. If you see yourself as being a 20 degree person, someone who's
Teri Holland (01:12.31)
Your self-image is like a thermostat in the room. If you see yourself as a 70 degree person, someone who is just okay at what they do at their job, or someone who struggles with fitness or to get in shape, but you start performing at a 90 degree level, just through sheer grit and determination, your internal unconscious mind will eventually panic.
It'll say it's too hot in here. It'll find a way to turn on the AC.
it'll find ways like procrastination or illness or a sudden need for a cheat day to bring you back down to what is normal or what your unconscious mind thinks is normal. So today we're learning how to change the setting on the thermostat. We aren't just changing what we do, we're changing who we are. So let's dive in.
Teri Holland (02:18.89)
Often we live our lives in a have-do-be framework. We think, once I have this, I will do this, and then I will be this. So for example, once I have the money, I will do the investments and then I will be successful. Or once I have the six-pack, I will do the beach trips and then I will be confident.
And that is just a trap, my friends. If your identity is tethered to your results, if the results don't come immediately, your identity will stay small. And eventually the B part never happens because you quit. It's too hard to do it this way and it's uncomfortable and it's not sustainable. So we need to flip the script to B, do, have. Identity, behavior,
outcome. If you skip the first part, if you skip the B part, then you're just the person who's always trying to get X result. For example, the smoker who was always trying to not smoke or the person who's always trying to get into the gym or the business owner who's always trying to make more money.
And every time, every time you give in to the old behavior, every time you fall short of doing what you want to do.
Teri Holland (03:56.12)
So let's use the smoker as the example. Every time someone offers them a cigarette, they have to use their willpower to say no, because in their heart, in their minds, they're still a smoker. But if you're a non-smoker, there's no battle. A non-smoker doesn't resist a cigarette. They simply aren't the type of person who smokes. Same thing with going to the gym every time.
You're faced with going to the gym, you have to use your willpower to get yourself there. You have to fight with yourself to get the gym clothes on, to get out the door, to walk into the gym and do the workout. Because in your heart, you're still the person who struggles to work out. But if you're a person who works out regularly, there's no battle.
That person doesn't have to fight themselves to get to the gym. They just simply go and work out because it's part of who they are. So the goal isn't to achieve the result. The goal is to become the person who naturally produces that result. You know, a nonsmoker doesn't think about not smoking. They just don't smoke. A regular gym person doesn't think about going to the gym. They just go to the gym.
You may be thinking, well, that sounds great, but I can't just identify as a millionaire or as an athlete when my bank account tells me otherwise or while my joints are saying otherwise. And you're right. Your brain is your greatest bullshit detector. You can't just stand in front of your mirror and say affirmations like, I'm a magnet for money. Money flows to me freely and easily. I am a millionaire and I have all the money that I need.
because you can't just stand in front of the mirror and say affirmations that you don't believe. Identity isn't built on positive vibes, it's built on evidence. So imagine your identity is a courtroom trial and your old self is the prosecutor and it's bringing up all of your past failures as evidence to win your case for your future self. You have to provide new evidence.
Teri Holland (06:14.2)
So you can't walk into court and not have evidence with you. So you're either gonna prove that you are the old self by focusing on your past failures and focusing on the evidence of past failure, or you need to find new evidence for the future self that you're becoming.
Teri Holland (06:37.336)
So we need to find that evidence. You don't just try to run a marathon. If you are not a runner, you don't just put on your running shoes and try to run a marathon. You run for 10 minutes or maybe you run for five minutes and in that five minutes, you run for a minute and you walk for a minute and you do five minutes or maybe you do that for 10. Maybe you run for 30 seconds and you walk for a minute and a half the first time or the first few times.
So this is one small piece of evidence that you are a runner and you start to build your new identity, but you don't start with the marathon. You don't try to write a bestselling book. You write one paragraph and that is evidence that you are a writer and then you write another paragraph. See, every action that you take is a vote for the person that you're becoming.
You don't need to have a landslide victory to win an election. You just need a majority. So if you cast 51 % of your votes for the new you, the identity will begin to shift. So it doesn't need to be 100%. You don't need to be all in or all on all the time. You just need to get the majority vote. So if you can begin to vote for the person you want to become,
Well, you need to take actions to build up the evidence that you are that person.
Now need to talk about the I am trap. The two most powerful words in the English language are the words I am because anything that follows it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Anything that follows the words I am becomes a direct suggestion to your unconscious mind about who you are. So how many times a day do you catch yourself saying or thinking, I'm just not a morning person.
Teri Holland (08:37.102)
or I have always been bad at math, or I'm a procrastinator.
or anything like that. How many times a day do you catch yourself saying something along those lines? And when you say these things, you are literally reinforcing your current thermostat setting. You're giving your brain the command that you are in that lane and you are protecting your ego by staying consistent with your past. So start adding the word until or yet. I haven't mastered my morning routine.
yet or I was bad at math until I decided to learn the fundamentals. And this creates cognitive dissonance, a healthy tension between who you were and who you're becoming. And it's believable. You might not be able to believe that you love mornings, but you might be able to believe that you are working on your morning routine.
You might not be able to believe yet that you're great at math, but you might be able to believe that you are learning the fundamentals.
Teri Holland (09:54.124)
Now here's the part that most people don't tell you is when you start to change your identity, it's going to feel fake. You're going to feel like an imposter. If you've been a slacker for 10 years and you start showing up early to the office, your brain is going to whisper, who do you think you are? This isn't you. So listen to me. Listen, listen, listen. That feeling is the sound of your old self dying.
It's growing pains. You aren't faking it till you make it. You are practicing until you become it. Athletes don't feel like pro athletes the first time they pick up the ball. They practice the identity of being an athlete until the performance catches up. A concert pianist doesn't start by being a concert pianist or by feeling like a concert pianist. No, they start practicing and they practice diligently.
for years and they practice the identity of being a pianist. So you have to give yourself permission to be a newbie at your new self. You have to be okay with that awkward middle ground where your behaviors are better than your beliefs. And eventually the mirror will catch up to the man or the woman who's in the arena, but give yourself that time to catch up with it.
When I used to work in personal training, I would work with weight loss clients and often when they had lost the weight, they still couldn't see it in the mirror. They would still see the reflection of the old person staring back at them. They couldn't see their results. And then over time, their brain would catch up and they'd be able to see the transformation that had occurred. And this is normal. It is normal for your brain to be about 21 days behind. So it takes your brain time to catch up to the new you.
Teri Holland (11:52.184)
So before we finish today, I want to give you an exercise you can do. And this is what I call the identity audit. So the first thing I want you to do is we're gonna write out to the ghost of the past. So write down three labels that you have given yourself that no longer serve you. For example, I'm shy or I'm disorganized or I'm really bad with money. So write down three labels that no longer serve.
And the second part is the future architect. You're going to write down the name of the person you're becoming, not the person that you hope to be, but the person you are committing to be. What does their Tuesday look like? Map out a day with them. What would they be doing?
So the future architect.
And then the third step is we're going to cast the first vote. What is one tiny thing that that person would do in the next hour? And then do it.
Your life is always going to shrink or expand to the level of your self-image. So if you want a bigger life, if you want to build a bigger version of the person living it, then go build that person. You have to build the person that you are becoming. And then you can do the things that that person does easily and effortlessly. And the best part of that is that then it doesn't feel like you're constantly swimming upstream
Teri Holland (13:26.222)
trying to get there. That's when it feels like you are going with the flow, that you are swimming with the rhythm of the water and with the current, not against it anymore. So I hope this was helpful for you today and I would love to hear from you. If you're watching this on YouTube, post in the comments. What is your first vote? So once you do the identity audit, what is the first thing you're going to do? What is your first
vote that you are going to cast towards your future self. And if you're listening on Spotify put it into the comments. If you're on Apple or any other platform just message me on Instagram and let me know how are you casting that first vote. All right thanks for being here with me again today my friends and I look forward to being back with you again next week. If you enjoyed this episode please share it with a friend someone who you think would benefit from it.
And as always, please leave me your five star reviews. help grow this audience and they help people like you to find the show. Thank you so much, my friends, and I will see you next week. Bye for now.
