Teri Holland (00:01.646)
Welcome back to Success in Mind and welcome to the first episode of 2026. Today we're going to talk about something that's probably a little bit predictable. We're going to talk about resolutions, but maybe not in the way you've heard them before, unless you've heard me talk about resolutions. But we're going to talk about why resolutions fail, how to set ones that don't, and why you should set New Year's resolutions. So if you are ready for it, let's dive in.
Teri Holland (00:41.784)
Okay, so let's start with the hard truth of resolutions and that is that most will die by February. In fact, many of them already have and today as I'm recording, it's January 6th. And it's not because people are lazy, it's not because they're too weak, it's not because they don't want it. It's because they set goals that their nervous system isn't already on board with. And when you set a goal that's too big of a stretch, too big, too much, too far outside of your identity,
then it's not going to happen. But we're going to talk about how you can make it happen anyway. So let's talk about how you set resolutions that your brain is going to cooperate with. Now resolutions aren't a willpower problem. And so many people think that I just have to push through, I just have to will my way through this and I will get it. And while that can help you in the very short term,
Willpower is unreliable under pressure. So willpower is heavily relying on your conscious mind to do the work, but your unconscious mind is the goal getter. Your conscious mind is the goal setter. Your unconscious mind is the goal getter. And so if you are trying to willpower your way through it, that is a conscious approach. But your conscious mind isn't the one that achieves the goals.
And so it might look something like this. say that, let's pick a very common resolution, weight loss. Let's say that your resolution is to lose 20 pounds this year and you decide, okay, I'm gonna follow this meal plan. I'm going to exercise regularly. I'm going to cut out the junk food and I'm gonna do all these things and I'm going to stick to it and I will lose my 20 pounds. Great, that sounds reasonable, right?
We all know that doing those things support a weight loss, right?
Teri Holland (02:41.09)
But if you are doing this consciously, if you're doing this through willpower and trying to effort your way through it, here's what happens. You make the plan, you have the list, you have the list of foods you're gonna eat. Maybe you have a meal plan, you have your grocery list, you prep your food at the beginning of the week, you go to the gym, you have your set workouts, you know exactly what you're gonna do. Every time you go to the gym, you know exactly what you're doing. And you have to think about it consciously. So you think about, okay, it is breakfast. So for breakfast, I eat
ABC and then I need to have my mid-morning snack. I'm going to have this and then I'm going to go to the gym and I'm going to do xyz workouts today. Okay great and then I have to eat lunch and then I have to have a snack and then I have to have dinner and then I have to make sure my food is prepped for tomorrow and your conscious mind is very busy thinking of I got to do this, I got to do that, I got to do the next thing. But then life happens and your conscious mind can't focus on
multiple things. So it's all great while you have the conscious attention that you can place solely on your goal. But then let's say your kid gets sick or your car breaks down or work gets a little more stressful or you're onboarding new client in your business or you name it. Something happens that now requires your attention and focus.
All of those things that you've been doing will fall by the wayside and you will default back to your old habits and behaviors. That's trying to do change at the conscious level. That is why the resolutions fail by mid February.
Well, at least it's one of the reasons why. So willpower is unreliable because as soon as something needs your attention, that willpower, it's gone.
Teri Holland (04:38.402)
So we need to work with the unconscious mind instead, and we need to make it safe for your nervous system. So if you're setting a goal that's something you haven't done before, or maybe you haven't done it that big before, then you need to level up your identity to match the goal. So if you are not the kind of person who goes to the gym regularly and you want to be, you need to become the person who goes to the gym regularly.
So the real issue comes down to identity. And this is really at the base of all goal achievement is who do you believe you are? If the goal threatens who you are, who you think you are, you will sabotage it. You cannot outperform your identity. However you see yourself, your self image is how you will consistently perform. So you have to change your self image. You need to become the person who does the thing.
So we want to set identity based resolutions, not goal based. So like the example I gave to lose weight, that is goal based. Or make more money, goal based. And there's nothing wrong with those goals, but those are doing things. Those are doing goals, losing weight, posting more online, growing your business, increasing your net worth. Those are doing goals.
But we want to start with who are you being? Start with your identity. So take the goal that you have and think, what kind of person does this naturally? What kind of person does this without even thinking about it? So you think about who would do the thing that you want to do, and then you need to level up your identity to match it. So not, I want to launch a podcast. That's a goal. That's a great goal, by the way.
That's a doing. You'd have to do something.
Teri Holland (06:40.258)
But how about if we change it to, I'm someone who feels confident sharing their ideas online. Now that's a podcaster.
So we need to change your identity to match what it is you want. Instead of I want to lose weight, I'm the kind of person who loves the feeling of exercise and feeding my body good nourishing whole foods. A little bit different, right?
Or how about, I want to make more money. I'm the kind of person who focuses intensely on my business and professional goals and outcomes. Or I'm the kind of person who takes action every single day that will move the needle forward in my business.
we set identity-based resolutions.
So if the goal is too big, it may trigger a threat response like overwhelm, avoidance, procrastination. Your brain is wired to think, this safe? Is this predictable? Am I familiar with this? Do I know what this even is? So we want to scale down the goal until your body doesn't resist it anymore. So you can just do this by yourself. Just check in with your body of how that feels. So if your goal is to make
Teri Holland (08:12.376)
half a million dollars this year? How does that feel in your body? And be really honest with yourself. How does that feel? Does that make you feel nervous? Does it make you feel anxious? Does it give you an ick? And it's too big. But how about, so we scale it down, how about a quarter of a million dollars? How does that feel? Does that feel more grounded? Does it feel steady, stable, secure? Now we're in a good place.
Maybe that is a hundred thousand for you. How does that make you feel? Do you feel good? Do you feel grounded? Do you feel clear about it? So we scale it down until it no longer feels overwhelming. Now know what you're wondering. You're wondering, but what if what I really want though is to make half a million dollars or a million dollars? That's great. Once you hit that first target and you feel good and you show yourself, you can do it. Move the needle.
Now set the target higher. And we do this through increments. If your goal is to work out regularly and you think, okay, I'm going to exercise five days a week. And if that makes you feel, that's a lot, scale it back. Maybe it's three days. How does three days feel? Does three days feel doable, achievable, grounded, safe? Start there, then increase to four, then increase to five.
So we don't have to have all or nothing big lofty goals because if your nervous system doesn't feel safe, if your unconscious mind doesn't believe you can do it, if your identity doesn't match it, you won't do it. So we're gonna replace all or nothing attitudes with minimal viable action. So it's five minutes of walking, not an hour. It's one email a week, not one a day.
It's creating one course outline, not the next 10. It's one push up, not 100.
Teri Holland (10:20.152)
So start small, make it safe.
And then we want to build structure, not pressure. Motivation is emotional, structure is mechanical. Routines will beat inspiration every single time. If you create habit structures that support what you want, that will beat motivation. It will beat inspiration every single time. So take your resolution, take what you want to do and anchor it to an existing habit.
So if you want to start, say, journaling every morning, but you don't do it now, but let's say every morning without fail you make a cup of coffee. So attach the journaling to the coffee. You make your coffee. Now it's time to sit down and journal.
Teri Holland (11:14.924)
You make your coffee, now it's time to journal. And keep your journal and your pen next to your coffee maker. So you make the coffee, you see the journal, you see the pen, the next thing is to take your coffee, sit down with your journal, and now you start writing. It's right there. Or leave the journal and the pen where you like to sit and drink your coffee, if you always sit in the same place. If your resolution is that you are going to be someone who has more protein at
Teri Holland (11:47.796)
If your resolution is to consume more protein, then, well, first we want to start with your identity. So you become a person who consistently eats enough protein every day. And let's say you work out every morning. Well, do your workout, have your protein. So right after your workout, you have a protein shake, you have a high protein meal, and you do that right after your workout. You link the two together. Let's say,
Let's say that a resolution is that you're going to set every Monday aside to be your CEO planning day for your business. Well, first of all, you got to block it in your calendar. Make sure that no one can book you in that time. And then create the identity. So the identity is I'm a person who takes growing my business very seriously and
or I'm the person who is the CEO of my business and it's important for me to set aside time every week to do this. So Monday morning, Monday morning is gonna happen no matter what. You just make sure it's clear on your calendar and you sit down and do your CEO planning. So if you're not building structure around what it is that you want to create this year, it's not real. Structure is real. Structure is scheduled. Structure is planned.
and you're not relying on motivation because motivation is also fleeting. Now plan for resistance because resistance will show up inevitably. Now resistance doesn't mean stop. It means that something matters to you. So here are some common ways that people sabotage themselves. I'll start next week or I need to research more first before I can begin or maybe now isn't the right time.
So decide in advance how you will respond when resistance shows up.
Teri Holland (13:44.632)
So a question that you could ask yourself is what is the smallest action I can take without negotiating with myself? So let's say that your plan, your resolution is that you are a person who walks every morning. So those days where the resistance shows up, like maybe it's raining or maybe it's really cold out and you think, I don't wanna do it today or...
Or maybe you didn't sleep really well and you think, I would rather just have another hour of sleep than go for that walk. What's the smallest action that you can take without negotiating? So you think about what is the minimum you will accept. Now the walk becomes the non-negotiable. You will walk, but maybe there's a minimum that when that resistance hits, all you have to do is walk to the end of your street and back.
because you know what's gonna happen. When you get out there and you start going, most likely you will want to keep walking. But to get through that resistance, have a plan. If the resistance is to the journaling, there's gonna be mornings where you think, I really don't feel like doing that. I just wanna get my coffee, sit down at my computer and start working. Okay, so what is the minimum, the smallest action you can take without negotiating? So when that resistance hits,
I just need to pick up the pen and I need to write five sentences. That's it. Then I can put it away. And that's it.
And then finally, you've got to track the evidence, not your perfection. So stop asking yourself, is it good enough? Did I do it right? Did I do it perfectly? And start asking, did I show up? Did I show up? That's it. Track your consistency, not your outcomes. So days practiced, number of days you walked this week, the number of days this month you drank all the water you should be drinking, the number of promises you kept to yourself.
Teri Holland (15:51.448)
The number of times this month that you made your bed first thing in the morning, whatever it is. Self-trust grows from evidence, not intention. You can have the best intentions in the world, but we need to see the evidence.
Teri Holland (16:07.778)
Now let's talk about those promises to yourself. When we break promises to ourselves, we erode confidence. And then you achieve fewer goals, you consistently start to underperform, and soon that really, really starts to hurt your self-esteem and self-worth. Your goals are there for you, for you to honor. They're not for other people. They're not to impress anyone else. It's
for you. So you've got to stop breaking promises to yourself. And that means following through on what you say you're going to do. And the more often you do that, the more your confidence will grow. Now here are some reflection questions that you can journal on or just think about, reflect on. But they're just for you. Do them however you want. So the three questions I want you to think about or journal.
Which resolution have I been setting on repeat? You know the one, the one that you set every single year. This year I'll lose 50 pounds, this year I'll quit smoking, this year I'll cut back on drinking or stop drinking. This year I will start exercising. What is it? What's the one that you keep setting on repeat?
And then ask yourself, what identity is this asking me to step into? And think about who is the person who would do the thing? So who do you need to be in order to 10X your income? Who do you need to be? And then what's one action I can take today that feels doable and not dramatic? So what is that one thing?
Now, I want to leave you with this today. You don't need a new year to start fresh. You can set goals any time of the year. But it does feel like New Year's is a good time to set goals because it's the start of something new. And whenever we start something new, it feels right to set some goals for it, to set some resolutions. And
Teri Holland (18:22.552)
there's no bigger something new than the beginning of a new year. So that could also be the beginning of a week or the beginning of the day, beginning of the month, beginning of a season, beginning of the school year, beginning of a new job, the beginning of the next hour. It doesn't matter when you set your goals and resolutions. So if you, right now, if you don't know what you want for this year, if you're still unclear, then maybe you don't need to know yet.
But what I do know is that
Teri Holland (18:59.054)
But what I do know is that only dead fish go with the flow. So if you want something different than what you have right now in your life, you need to decide what that is and you need to take action for it.
Teri Holland (19:13.998)
So yes, you should set resolutions. These are all the ways I suggest that you do it. Start with your identity. Become the person who follows through. Stick to it. And there's one more. I meant to say this earlier and I completely forgot. But there's one more thing I want to share about resolutions and why they fail is because most people aren't actually setting a resolution. They're setting a wish.
And if you've been with me for a while, you've heard me talk about this. Most people set resolutions as wishes. A resolution is not a wish. It is a defined change. It's drawing your line in the sand and saying, this is the new change. This is how I'm going to live differently this year. And I think that's a great thing. So yeah, I do think you should set resolutions. But most people set wishes, not resolutions. And most people set resolutions or set goals that are way too big.
and don't match with their identity or they don't level up their identity to meet it. So if you enjoyed this episode today and if you want more content like this, make sure you hit subscribe so that you always get the new episodes as they are released. And if you want to do the deeper work, then you reach out to me and you book a consultation. That link will be in the show notes. Thank you so much for being here today, my friends, and I will be back with you again next week. Bye for now.
