Teri Holland (00:24.6)
Welcome back to Success in Mind. Today we're going to talk about something that I think every entrepreneur, creator, and leader bumps into sooner or later. Why do strangers take me more seriously than the people closest to me? Why is the internet cheering you on while friends barely bat an eye at your business? There's a name for this.
A few actually, and understanding this unlocks a massive mindset shift. So let's talk about it.
You can be doing incredible things, launching a business, building a brand, hosting a podcast, getting clients, and somehow the people who should be the most supportive aren't. And I see this so often on social media, especially this time of year when so many small business owners are hustling to get in those final sales before the holiday season.
And I see them posting things like, you know, support your friends, support your friends in business, buy from your friends, small business. And I feel their pain through these posts because I know where they're coming from. They're needing sales to come in and they're looking to their friends and their family for their support. And they're wondering where is it? Why aren't you buying from me?
and they don't share your posts. They don't ask questions about your business. They don't celebrate your milestones and they might even downplay your wins. Meanwhile, a stranger on the internet, someone you've never met, tells you that your content changed their life or that using your product made a huge difference for them or that your podcast really resonated with them. And the people that you know the best say, you know what? I've never actually listened to your podcast. I've never watched your videos.
Teri Holland (02:16.536)
I've never used your product. And you might be thinking, how does someone I've never met see me more clearly than people who have known me for years? You might be even thinking that you're going crazy. Well, you're not imagining it. There's a psychology behind this. And it's called, at least I call it, the profit in your own land problem. There's an old concept.
referred to as the profit in your own land syndrome. It means the people who know you personally have the hardest time seeing your authority, your expertise, or your evolution. Why is that? Because they have this older version of you permanently downloaded in their brain. They know the you who struggled, the you who was you before you became this online authority or this online presence.
before you became a business owner, before you became the podcast host or the speaker or the entertainer or whatever it is you're doing. They know the you that struggled, the you that failed, the you that learned, the you that didn't have it all figured out. And they watched you become this new version of yourself. And that makes it harder for them to update their internal picture of who you are now. Strangers on the internet, they don't have the outdated file.
They just meet the polished, powerful, evolved version of you, and they respond accordingly.
So there's three major biases that are at play here. So the first one is the familiarity bias. Someone close to you, the closer they are, the easier it is for them to normalize your talent. Your brilliance just becomes you. As one of my really great friends likes to say, people notice change. So if they always see you succeeding at something or they just see you being brilliant,
Teri Holland (04:22.142)
in your zone of genius and doing what you do, well, that's just you. Whereas they might see someone else who they don't know as well struggling and then achieve something and they think, that's amazing. So they might take for granted what you can do just because it's familiar to them. It becomes obvious. It's almost like it becomes white noise in the background. They don't recognize it. The second bias is the status quo bias.
Your growth disrupts the role you've always played in their life. And some people unconsciously resist that. I see this play out a lot in families. Like, let's say you're the younger sibling and you might be wildly successful at what you do. You might have a big online following or a big YouTube channel and your siblings don't take it seriously because they're still seeing you as the little kid running around in diapers.
who kept ruining their stuff or broke their toy or had a temper tantrum because they didn't get chicken nuggets for dinner. So it's hard for them to reconcile that you are the same person who was once that young child and now you're this successful, thriving adult. It's hard for them to connect those two. Or even your friends who maybe knew you.
back when you were in college and partying too hard and making mistakes and messing up and now they're supposed to take you seriously as a business owner? It's difficult for them to reconcile. And then the third bias is the comparison threat. Your evolution forces people to confront their own lack of evolution. Your growth feels like pressure on them, even though you're not asking them for anything.
And what's important here is that none of this is about your worth or your value. It's about their wiring and their perceptions of you. So why are the strangers more supportive? They have no past version of you to compare to. So they can see your expertise, your confidence, your message, your brand, your capability. There's no emotional tension. There's no comparison. There's no identity threat.
Teri Holland (06:46.21)
You're just impressive at what you do. And sometimes the support from strangers feels more real because it's coming from people who are responding to who you are right now, not a past memory of who you have been. So the truth of this is that if you've been waiting for the people closest to you to validate your path, stop. They may never catch up. They may never update the version of you that they've been carrying.
And you know what? That's okay. Your audience, the people who choose you, will find you. Your clients will find you. Your community will find you. Strangers become supporters and supporters become clients. Clients can become friends and friends may even become your chosen family. So let your work be seen by the people who are actually ready to see it. And you know what? I'm even going to go a step further and say,
If the only people you're selling to are your closest friends and family, then you don't really have a business yet.
I am far more excited when someone I don't know or who I've only met briefly at a networking event or someone who has listened to my podcast, this podcast, books a consultation with me and signs on to be a client. Then if someone I know, a close friend says, hey, can you help me and do some hypnosis with me or can you give me some coaching and they want to hire me? It feels...
much more validating to me when someone I don't know, someone who's not in my close proximity, wants to work with me. I think this goes even further when you're selling a product because you might have this amazing thing that you created and you want all of your friends and family to buy it. Well, are they buying it because they actually want it because you validated this product or are they buying it because they feel the pressure to support you and they think, okay, yeah, fine, I'll buy that.
Teri Holland (08:50.008)
But what's going to give you real feedback is when people you don't know buy your product, when people who have zero sense of obligation to hand over their hard earned money to buy your thing, that is far more validating than your kindergarten bestie who's known you forever, who feels like, gosh, okay, yeah, here's my money, I'll buy your thing. They might not even use it. They're just doing it out of a sense of obligation.
Personally, I would much rather get the sale that comes from the person who actually wants the thing than the person who just feels like, okay, here we go. I will buy the thing. And it feels a lot better. And you know what I see? You know what I can almost 100 % guarantee will happen because I see this with so many of my clients? The people closest to you, they might not buy from you right now. They might not be able to see you in your brilliance for what it is that you're doing.
and they might not be the most supportive. They might support you as a person, but they don't expect them to support your business. But when you hit a certain threshold, when other people that you don't know have now validated your expertise, your experience, your brilliance, they validated the product that you've created, then the people close to you start to creep around and they start going, okay, all right, what is this you're selling? What is this product?
And now, now they buy it. Now they can start seeing you in a different light because other people have validated it.
So how do you deal with it? Because I know in the moment it feels icky. I know when you see that you've created this thing and they go and buy a similar thing from someone else, it feels heartbreaking. So here's what I want you to do with it. Here's how you're gonna deal with it. First of all, don't take it personally. It's not a reflection of your value, it's just psychology.
Teri Holland (10:48.526)
2. Stop performing for the wrong audience. Your people are out there. They might just not be the people you grew up with. They might not be the friends you went to school with. might not be the bestie that you drink wine with on the weekends. 3. Let your growth speak for itself. Don't try to force anyone to see what they're not capable of. You just do you. Focus on growing your business. They will come around and if they don't, that's okay.
Not everyone in your life has to be a client or a customer. They can be in your life because they're just that fun friend you like hanging out with, or because they're always there for you when you need to talk, or because you just have so much fun together and so much in common that you'd like being around them.
And then four, keep showing up consistently in the spaces where your value is recognized. Build where you're celebrated, not where you're tolerated. You want the sales from the strangers. You want the clients who have followed you online and recognize that you can help them. And now they are ready. They're ready to work with you.
So don't worry about your friends and your family buying from you. And, you know, just on a personal note, don't post about them buying from you. Don't post the content on the internet that says, hey, if you're my friend, you should be buying from me, because that feels desperate. It feels icky. And we've all been there. We've all posted content that seemed a little desperate, a little cringy.
And if you've posted that way, that's okay. But going forward, focus on adding value to your audience. Focus on your message and what's going to bring value and clarity to them. Don't worry about your friends and your family buying because they may never do that.
Teri Holland (12:47.544)
So if this episode hit you in the gut, good. You're not alone. There are many entrepreneurs out there feeling the same way that you feel. Every leader, every creator, every entrepreneur has experienced this dynamic. And the beauty of it is this. You don't need their approval to build your future.
So if this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it or send me a message and let me know what part of it landed most for you. If you're watching on YouTube or listening on Spotify, you can leave it right in the comments. Otherwise, reach out to me on Instagram. Until next time, my friends, keep your success in mind and I will be back again shortly with our yearly wrap-up episode. Bye for now.
