Teri Holland (00:06.157)
Ahem.
Teri Holland (00:26.936)
Have you ever hit a goal that you worked really hard to achieve and instead of feeling proud of yourself, you felt empty or anxious, restless, or oddly disappointed? That's what I call the success hangover. And almost every high performer experiences it. They just don't often talk about it or even know how to identify it.
So today I'm pulling back the curtain because this is one of the most silent killers of momentum. When you hit a win and then your nervous system knocks you flat. So let's talk about it.
Teri Holland (01:18.826)
What the hell is a success hangover? Well, a success hangover is that emotional crash that happens after you hit a big milestone. You know, we expect to feel triumphant, relief, excitement, validation. And often, instead, what we get is anxiety, imposter syndrome, irritability, exhaustion, panic, or a sudden urge to shrink back.
or even the classic, this doesn't feel as good as I thought it would. And then you might think there's something wrong with you, but the truth is that there is nothing wrong with you. This is quite a normal experience. Your nervous system is just lagging behind your success. It's like your unconscious mind is standing there going, wait, wait, wait, who is this version of us? When did we decide that this was safe?
You know, we talk about fear of failure often, but fear of success, that one's sneaky. Your unconscious mind is wired to keep you safe, not happy. And often achieving something really big that you haven't done before tells your unconscious mind it's not safe because it's not familiar. Safety means familiarity, predictability, the identity that you've always operated with.
So when you suddenly hit that big income month or you sign multiple new clients, you go viral with a new video, or you actually follow through on that big dream, your unconscious mind goes, this is a threat, this is unknown, pull back, control this, hide, shut it down. That's the crash, that's the hangover, it's a safety response, it's not a character flaw. I experienced this when...
my podcast suddenly got really big, really fast. And I've told this story many times on the show. If you've heard it before, I apologize, but I think it bears repeating that when I hit number one in self-improvement for the second time, not the first time, the first time didn't bother me because I was only there for a day. And then I was back down in the top 30, top 50, and I felt much more comfortable.
Teri Holland (03:42.254)
But the second time I hit it, I held onto it for 10 days. And I saw names like Brendan Burchard and Lewis Howes following after me. On the top episode charts, I was seeing my name repeatedly on the top 10. I think I had five different episodes ranking in the top 10 episodes for self-improvement. I mean, that was crazy to me. And everything inside of me said, pull back, withdraw. This isn't safe.
It felt like too much, too big, too soon.
And then I shut it down for about six months until a friend of mine called me back to the show. And that is to this day, with over 15 years of entrepreneurial experience, that is still to this day, my biggest regret in business was not riding out that momentum when I had it. The show has still done very well. I've still reached in the top 10. I haven't been number one again in North America, but I have been number one in many countries around the world.
but I never got that same momentum that I had back then.
So that was a huge lesson to learn. And if you are listening to this, I want you to hear me right now when I say, when it happens, do not take your foot off the gas. Do not.
Teri Holland (05:09.588)
Ride through the discomfort. Ride through the success hangover because on the other side is everything that you are working for.
So let's talk about the identity gap. This is the real culprit. You cannot outperform your self-image. You cannot outperform the identity that your unconscious mind still thinks is you. So if you consciously say, I'm a six-figure entrepreneur, but unconsciously you identify as, I'm surviving, I'm hustling, I'm just trying to get by, I'm just trying to make enough, your success will feel foreign.
foreign is unsafe. Unsafe leads to the emotional hangover. And that's why people sabotage themselves right after a win. Overspending after a high income month. Have you ever done that before? You have your biggest month yet and so suddenly you feel this need to go celebrate by buying everything that you possibly want and suddenly that money is gone.
or ghosting that audience after a post goes viral. Have you done that one? I did. I had a post go very viral on TikTok, millions of views, and I created two follow-up videos and then I froze. I just started overthinking. I didn't know what to create next and I didn't know how to continue on that trend. How about procrastinating on the next launch?
So you've had a big successful launch, it went well, and people are saying, when are you gonna offer it again? And you keep saying, it's coming, it's coming. But you know you're procrastinating on doing it again. Or how about shrinking your goals because growth feels destabilizing. The identity gap is that black hole that eats momentum.
Teri Holland (07:13.656)
So how do you know, how do you know if you're in a success hangover? You might be in one right now if you achieve something big, but you felt nothing or you felt worse after, or you immediately minimize the win. Well, it wasn't that big of a deal. You crashed physically, exhaustion, tension, irritability. I've experienced that one.
You suddenly questioned everything. Can I sustain this? Do I even want this? You sabotaged your next step. You retreated into comfort, scrolling, hiding, overthinking.
If even one of those hit, then yep, that's a success hangover.
Now why doesn't anyone talk about this?
Teri Holland (08:14.466)
Now, why doesn't anyone talk about this? Well, I think one, because it feels embarrassing to admit it. I got what I wanted and I feel like crap about it. We live in a society of gratitude, especially in the entrepreneurial space. We're always supposed to feel grateful. Well, what if you don't feel grateful for it? What if you had this massive success and instead of feeling grateful, you feel really crappy or unsure of yourself?
But all the messages, all the signals around us are saying, be grateful, practice gratitude, but what if you just don't feel it? So a lot of high achievers think that they should be grateful, that they should be ecstatic, they should be on fire. So shame starts to pile on top of those feelings of insecurity that you might already be experiencing after the success. And that can keep people stuck for years.
But how do we break the cycle? How can we break the success hangover cycle? Well, I'm going to give you a process that I use with my clients.
Call it what it is, a nervous system mismatch. So say it out loud. My success grew faster than my identity. Just name it, call it what it is. This is not the time for positive self-talk. You need to call it out. You need to hear the words leaving your own mouth. My success grew faster than my identity. And just saying that out loud, that alone reduces the shame and gives your nervous system a chance to settle.
then integrate the new identity. Ask yourself, who do I need to be to hold this level? Who is the version of me that this success is normal for? What beliefs am I holding that need to catch up?
Teri Holland (10:13.492)
Identity upgrades are not just a mindset thing. You can't decide you're going to be better at it. This is unconscious conditioning. Then we need to normalize the win. Your unconscious mind regulates through repetition. So do this, say the win out loud, anchor it somatically. Now with my clients, I teach them to anchor on a knuckle or on their earlobe. This is just a
This is just a unique stimulus that helps, this is a unique stimulus point that helps anchor the feeling.
So say it out loud, anchor in that feeling and repeat the words, this is safe, this is allowed, this is who I am now. And do that over and over, say the one out loud, anchor it in, this is safe, this is allowed, this is who I am now. It sounds simple, but it is a powerful rewiring unconsciously. And then you've got to take action.
Take one action that reinforces your new identity, not 10, not a whole new project, just one aligned action that says, I'm the person who can hold this success. That stabilizes your nervous system. It keeps the momentum moving instead of collapsing. So that could look like, in my example, in my story, that would look like if I just recorded the next episode. That would be the action I needed at that time.
It could be you make that next post. Maybe it doesn't go viral like the previous one. That's okay. Just post something. Even if it's not the most brilliant thing you've ever said, even if it's not the most high quality video you've produced, post something. If it was a launch that went really well, set the next date for the next program. So when people ask you, when will you run it again, say the date.
Teri Holland (12:21.902)
have that date. You don't have to start your whole sales process right away, but have the date. So what's one thing that you can do to reinforce the new identity? And then finally, go rest. Success requires integration. Your body needs to calibrate it. If you don't pause, you will crash harder. Rest isn't quitting, it's integration. So take a rest. Schedule that rest in.
So after a big win, a big success, take a couple days to decompress, take some time to reflect, turn off your phone, block off your calendar for a couple days after something major so that you can integrate and rest.
Teri Holland (13:11.244)
Now here's the truth that I want you to hear and I want this to really sink in. You are not broken. Your nervous system just hasn't caught up to who you're becoming. The goal isn't to avoid the success, the goal isn't to avoid success hangovers. It's to learn how to integrate your success so that your expansion feels safe because when it feels safe, you become unstoppable.
So let's just take a moment to do a little guided visualization.
So let's take a moment to do just a little guided meditation moment. If it's safe to do so, close your eyes. If it's not safe to do so, you can keep listening to this one. We're not doing hypnosis. But if it is safe, close your eyes. Take a slow deep breath in.
and let it go on a sigh.
Teri Holland (14:09.068)
Now bring to mind a recent success, big or small.
and notice how you feel about it. Without judging those feelings, just notice how you feel.
Teri Holland (14:24.182)
and say to yourself quietly, this is safe. I am allowed to succeed. My identity is expanding to hold this. Breathe that in.
and exhale, let your body relax around the truth of that.
Teri Holland (14:47.02)
and open your eyes when you're ready. Good.
Now, if this episode, if this discussion hit a nerve, good, it means you're growing. And if you're tired of that emotional crash after every win, or you want to build a version of yourself that can hold the success that you're creating, book a consultation with me. This is the work I do every day, identity, expansion, momentum. And when you fix the identity gap, everything begins to rise up.
And if you do me one favor today, it is that you share this episode with someone who needs it and then hit that subscribe button so that you don't miss what's coming next. I will see you next week, my friends. Thank you for being here. Bye for now.
