Teri Holland (00:13.492)
Welcome back to Success in Mind. I'm your host, Terri Holland, high-performance coach, hypnotherapist, and believer in your potential. So today we're going to talk about something that all hiv...
Teri Holland (00:39.52)
Welcome back to Success in Mind. I'm Terri Holland, high performance coach. Today we're diving into something that every high achiever, creator, entrepreneur eventually feels, the identity gap. That strange, uncomfortable place in between where you're no longer who you used to be, but you don't quite feel like the person you're becoming yet.
If you've ever caught yourself saying, I know I'm doing all the right things, but it just doesn't feel like me yet, then this episode is for you.
Teri Holland (01:22.606)
The identity gap is that space between your current self and your future self. It's that awkward middle between your old habits, your old beliefs, the old patterns, and the new ones that you're still integrating. It's like upgrading the software in your mind, only part of you is running the new code while part of you is still clinging to the old system because it feels safe, it feels familiar.
And when you start to become more confident, more visible, more successful, your unconscious mind doesn't instantly update with, oh, okay, this is just who we are now. It says, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a second, who are we trying to be? And that's when imposter syndrome creeps in. That's when self-doubt, procrastination, even self-sabotage appear.
And it's not because you're broken, but because your identity hasn't caught up to your results yet. You see, your unconscious mind's number one job is to keep you safe. And safety often equals familiarity. So when you start expanding, maybe it's launching a new business, raising your rates, speaking on bigger stages, your unconscious mind doesn't interpret that as growth, it interprets it as risk.
Your old identity starts to whisper things like, don't get too confident. Who do you think you are? Or people will judge you if you change. And this tug of war between who you were and who you're becoming, it creates tension. It's an identity dissonance. You can be living in your new reality, but still thinking from your old programming.
Now here's the part that a lot of people don't talk about. Success can feel lonely. Not because you don't have people around you, but because your old environment, the old relationships, your old routines no longer fit. There's grief in growth. You might even miss parts of your old self. Even the parts that held you back because they were known, they were familiar.
Teri Holland (03:42.146)
And if you don't allow yourself to grieve that old identity, unconsciously you'll cling to it. You might even self-sabotage to pull yourself back into what feels normal. So instead of resisting that discomfort, honor it. You're not lost. You are evolving. I remember going through, well, I've been through stages like that several times, but one in particular,
I remember saying to my coach at the time, I feel like you're my only friend and I pay you. I was feeling really lonely because my old relationships, my old friendships no longer fit who I was becoming. And the only person I felt that really understood me that I could really talk to and who knew where I was in my evolution and where I was going was my coach. And he said, Terry, I hear this all the time from clients.
It's normal, you will find your new community, you will find your new people. I've been here too. But I had to let go of those relationships and my old way of being to become the person I was meant to become. And now I'm not saying go cut out all of your friends and stop, disconnect from all your relationships and change everything. That's not what I'm saying. For me at that point in my life, my friendships no longer fit and I did need to find
new friendships and new connections. So how do we bridge this gap between who you are
Teri Holland (05:23.288)
So how do we bridge this gap between who you are and who you're becoming? So there are three steps we can use to do this. And this is what I do with my own clients. And this is what I found effective in my life. One, the first thing we need to do is acknowledge the death of your old self. And I know that sounds dramatic, but it's necessary.
Every transformation requires letting go of the past, of what's no longer working, of what's old. So take a moment to thank the version of you who got you here. They did their job. They kept you safe. And now it's time to evolve beyond survival and into expansion.
And you can do this any number of ways. You can do this by journaling, visualization, just taking a few quiet moments to sit with yourself and acknowledge how far you've come and to thank that old version of you.
then the second part of this is to anchor into your future identity daily. So start your day by asking, how would the version of me who's, who already has what I want, how would they think? How would they act? How would they make decisions today? And then do one thing every day that aligns with that version of you. And you don't have to be her or him or them yet. You just have to
practice being them. And this is where hypnosis and visualization are so powerful because they train your unconscious mind to feel safe in the new identity.
Teri Holland (07:05.998)
So if you take a few minutes to put yourself in that quiet meditative state and really just practice being that person that you're becoming. I have a great hypnosis for this. I will link it in the show notes and it's called Your Ideal Day. And it is about how to visualize your way into the future and start creating who you want to become.
So the third piece, the third step of this is to normalize your next level. Surround yourself with people and environments that reflect where you're headed, not where you've been. Your nervous system learns safety through exposure. So the more often you see yourself operating at your next level, the less foreign it feels. So this might mean going to networking events where there are people who are at the level you want to be at.
putting yourself in those environments where you're surrounded by the people who you want to align yourself with.
and soon it won't feel foreign, it won't feel weird, you won't feel out of place.
So allow yourself, allow yourself to get a little bit uncomfortable here.
Teri Holland (08:28.12)
Hey, guys, stop!
Teri Holland (08:38.742)
Now earlier this year, started the word, earlier this year, I started this year with the word ascend as being my word of the year. And here's where my word of the year comes in. To ascend means to rise, but every rise requires release. You can't climb carrying the weight of who you used to be. So instead trying to force a new version of yourself, focus on becoming lighter. Let go of the old stories.
Release the guilt for outgrowing people or spaces where you once felt you belonged. Release the belief that you have to earn your next level. And this person who you're becoming, they aren't a stranger. They have been waiting for you to remember who you've always been. So it's time to ascend, my friends.
And let's do.
Teri Holland (09:42.786)
Now let's do a mini little hypnosis today, if it's safe for you to do so. Of course, if you're driving, if you're doing anything which requires your conscious attention, just hit stop right now, skip to the end, or come back later and do this when it's safe for you to do so. But if it is safe for you to do so, let's just take a moment and close your eyes.
Take a slow deep breath in.
Teri Holland (10:15.362)
and exhale.
Teri Holland (10:23.028)
I want you to imagine that you are standing on a bridge, a well-lit safe bridge.
Teri Holland (10:39.35)
Okay, let's now if you're game for it, let's do a little visualization exercise. Only if it's safe for you to do so don't do this if you're driving or doing anything that requires your conscious attention. But if it is safe for you to close your eyes, then I invite you to close your eyes for a moment.
And you can always come back to this and do this part later.
Okay, if it's safe, close your eyes. Take a slow deep breath in.
and exhale on a sigh.
Teri Holland (11:21.526)
Now imagine you're standing on a bridge and behind you is a version of you that brought you this far.
proud, capable, maybe even a little tired.
and ahead of you is the version of you who already lives your next chapter. Confident, calm, expansive.
Teri Holland (11:56.078)
And as you take a step forward, notice that this bridge isn't scary. It is steady. It's strong. This bridge is safe. And you belong on the other side.
Teri Holland (12:16.012)
Let that future self turn toward you and say, you're ready.
I've been waiting for you.
Teri Holland (12:28.706)
And then when you're ready, open your eyes and bring that energy with you for the rest of your day.
Teri Holland (12:39.764)
Now of course if you would like to do this further, if you'd like to go further with this, then one-on-one work is always encouraged. I use some powerful tools to help my clients move from where they are to where they want to be in a short period of time. And so if this spoke to you and you would like to work with me further, then book a consultation with me. I will link it in the show notes.
Teri Holland (13:08.802)
Thank you so much for being here today. hope you enjoyed this episode and remember success starts in your mind.
Teri Holland (13:21.656)
Thank you so much for being here today. I hope you enjoyed this episode and remember success starts in your mind and you're already becoming the person who your future is waiting for. So thank you for listening. Thanks for being here today. I would love to hear your thoughts. You can share them below in the notes if you're watching on YouTube. If you're watching on YouTube, you can share your thoughts below in the comments or on Spotify or simply reach out to me on Instagram at The Terry Holland.
Until next week, keep ascending, keep growing, and remember your future is waiting. Bye for now, my friends.
