Teri Holland (00:10.094)
Hello and welcome back to Success in Mind. I'm your host, Terri Holland, high-performance coach, hypnotherapist, and believer in your potential. Today we're going to talk about something that we all deal with at some time. Some of us deal with it more often than others, and we probably beat ourselves up about it way too often.
Cough cough
Teri Holland (00:44.184)
Hi, and welcome back to Success in Mind. I'm your host, Terri Holland, high-performance coach, hypnotherapist, and believer in your potential. Today, we're gonna talk about something that we all deal with from time to time. Some of us, maybe more than others, and we probably beat ourselves up about it way too often. Resistance. The procrastination.
avoidance, the sudden urge to clean out that junk drawer when you're supposed to be launching the next thing in your business. Or as one of my friends puts it, he knows he's avoiding something when it is suddenly time to clean out the fridge. You know what I mean. Here's the thing that most people don't realize. Resistance is not the enemy. It's not laziness. It's not a lack of discipline.
It's not a character flaw. It's a message. It's a signal.
a form of internal communication. And today I'm going to help you to decode it.
Teri Holland (01:57.973)
Let's dive in.
Teri Holland (02:01.878)
Okay, first let's define what resistance actually is. Resistance is that internal pushback you feel when you're about to do something important or meaningful, maybe something that makes you feel uncomfortable. And it shows up as procrastination, overwhelm, distraction, avoidance, even my personal favorite, perfectionism. But here's the twist.
Resistance isn't trying to stop you, it's trying to protect you. Often it's trying to protect you from something you're afraid of, like fear of rejection or change, maybe fear of judgment, a fear of what will they say. You see, your unconscious mind's primary job is to keep you safe.
And safety often looks like doing the same things over and over again. In fact, how often have you set the same big goal and found yourself falling back on it over and over again? Often when clients come to me, they've been setting the same goals for years, that same big income goal, or maybe it's launching a podcast and they've been trying to do it for years and then...
they always come up against that resistance. That saboteur that tells them now's just not the right time or really you should focus on this other thing instead. Or I'm just simply too busy. So when you find yourself wanting to do something new, something that will stretch your identity, even if it's something that you really want,
that part of your brain throws up a big old wait, danger sign. And that's when resistance kicks in.
Teri Holland (04:09.368)
Now there are three main messages of resistance. So let's look at each one and we'll break them down on what it actually might be telling you.
So number one, something here matters to me. If you're avoiding it, it probably matters. Think about it, we don't resist things that are truly irrelevant. We resist things that have stakes. We resist the things that might expose us. The things that could actually move that needle forward in your business.
So if you're procrastinating on something, ask yourself, what would it mean if I actually followed through on this? Like, what would it mean if you actually launched the podcast? What would it mean if you started that YouTube channel? What would it mean if you really started to put yourself out there in a big way? And that question alone can show you how deeply it matters and why it's triggering resistance.
Teri Holland (05:22.304)
I hear this a lot from clients when they're avoiding their podcast and it shows up like, I'm just not sure if this is the right topic. I don't know if a podcast really is for me. I don't think I have enough to say.
Teri Holland (05:43.95)
So I encourage you to spend some time thinking about this and answer the question, what would it mean if I actually followed through on this? Number two, I'm afraid of what this could change. See, often we resist taking action not because of the fear of failure, but the fear of success.
So you might not fear the launch failing. You might fear what happens if it works. What happens if people start listening to you? What happens if one of your videos suddenly goes viral? What happens if it works? Are people going to expect more from you? Are you going to be able to deliver? Are you going to be able to keep up with it? What if you lose control? This kind of resistance is about an identity shift.
The unconscious fear that success will separate you from that version of yourself that feels safe. It can also be a fear of being separated from your tribe.
Back in the day, way, way, way, way back, we were all a part of a tribal culture. And in that primitive society, you could not survive without the safety of the tribe. And so if you stood out, if you challenged the chief, if you rose above the pack, you could get cast out. And in that world, that was certain death. So what could it mean?
you.
Teri Holland (07:22.572)
Now the question to challenge this is to ask yourself, now the question to challenge this one is to ask yourself, what might success cost me? And then challenge that belief. Is it true? Is it real?
What might success cost me?
Teri Holland (07:45.016)
Now the third one.
is I don't feel safe to move forward. Sometimes resistance is wisdom. It's your body saying you're exhausted, you're over capacity, or you haven't created a supportive structure for this goal yet. And in this case, resistance is asking for support, for boundaries, or rest, not more hustle.
Now that doesn't mean that you don't do it though. That doesn't mean that this is your get out of jail free card. Now you're off the hook and you don't have to launch the thing or do that uncomfortable scary thing you've been avoiding.
So if this is you, I want you to ask the question, what do I need to feel supported in taking this next step? And you might be surprised at how fast that resistance dissolves when you meet the need behind it, the need for safety, for structure, for boundaries, for support. And where could you find that kind of support? Is that in your local networking group or maybe you reach out to some friends who can help you? Maybe it's your family, your spouse.
an online community, but where can you find the support that you need?
Teri Holland (09:05.355)
Okay, so now that we've decoded the message, what do you do with it? Well, I have a three step process for you. So here it is, one, you notice it without judgment. When resistance shows up, instead of saying, why can't I just do this? Why can't I just get myself together? Say, interesting, something important is happening here. And that shift alone can turn resistance into a signal, not a threat.
So just notice it as an observer without attachment, without judgment. Just notice what's happening.
Number two, get curious, not critical, and ask yourself, what am I avoiding? What am I afraid this might mean about me? What's the payoff in not doing it? And there's always a payoff, my friends. There is a payoff. Even if you don't see it at first, there is a payoff. There is a payoff to not launching that podcast. And the payoff might be that...
you don't have to put in the effort or that you don't have to face the judgment. So what is the payoff in not doing it? Get under the surface. Curiosity leads to clarity. Follow your curiosity. And then three, I want you to take one aligned micro action, not the whole thing, just one small move. Maybe that's sending an email, opening a document.
outlining the offer. Maybe that is outlining what that first video might be about or naming your podcast. You don't have to do the whole thing at once. You can do it in bite-sized pieces and doing that allows your nervous system to regulate all the way through so it's not so big. It's not so scary anymore. It's just one little step.
Teri Holland (11:11.094)
I see this with my podcast clients all the time and they feel overwhelmed by this whole process of starting a podcast. And I tell them today we're not starting a podcast today.
We're just going to name it. And tomorrow we're just going to come up with 20 different topics that may become episodes. Take it one step at a time.
Action creates momentum and action and momentum build trust with yourself. When you show up, when you do what you say you're going to do and the more that you can show your unconscious mind that it is safe to move forward, the less resistance you'll feel over time and it'll become easier to keep moving forward and keep doing the things over and over.
Teri Holland (12:15.008)
Now here's something that is important to talk about and we can't talk about resistance without addressing this piece of it. Resistance is not always a reason to push through. Sometimes it is time to change direction. And you might be thinking, wait, Terry, Terry, you've just been talking about all the ways that we can overcome resistance. And yes, that is important, but sometimes we do need to follow
the resistance, follow that inner guidance system that's saying don't proceed. But the key is learning to discern the difference between resistance that's rooted in fear of expansion and resistance that's rooted in misalignment.
So when is resistance a sign to keep going? Well, resistance will often show up right before a breakthrough. And this tends to feel like, what if I'm not good enough? What if I fail? What will people think? What will they say about me? And it shows up when you're stretching your identity or you're getting close to doing something that's meaningful. And in this case, the resistance is a call to grow, not quit. But when resistance
assigned to let go or pivot it feels different. It feels heavier. It's depleting. Maybe even resentful.
So ask yourself.
Teri Holland (13:45.46)
Is this aligned with my values and my vision?
If you're chasing something that no longer reflects who you are or where you want to go, resistance may be telling you it is time to pivot.
You know, I felt this recently with a group I belonged to that I was resisting paying my membership dues. And I was talking about it with a friend and I said, I just don't know why I haven't renewed yet. I don't know what it is. I don't know what's going to help me to decide. And then it finally occurred to me, and this was actually just yesterday, it occurred to me that that resistance
meant it was a no. So as much as in my mind I was trying to convince myself that I still wanted to be a part of this group, the resistance was there to show me that I don't have the space or capacity for it right now. It's no longer aligned with where I'm going and where my focus needs to be.
The question I want you to ask yourself if you're trying to discern is this resistance assigned to let go? The second question is, I doing this for approval, obligation, or ego? In my situation that I was just describing, I was doing it for approval and obligation. I felt like I was obligated to continue. So if the main motivation is proving something or people pleasing,
Teri Holland (15:21.122)
The resistance might be pointing you back toward authenticity.
Teri Holland (15:29.026)
The next one I want you to ask yourself is, do I feel dread more than fear?
Teri Holland (15:43.554)
Dutch!
Teri Holland (15:49.634)
Now there's a big difference between I'm scared to be seen and I'm dragging myself through this and I hate every moment of it.
I have come up with that one many, many times. And to the outside world, it might seem like I'm avoiding being seen, but internally, I know that I'm just dreading doing the thing, that I'm not enjoying it.
If it is fear, if it really is a fear of being seen, then that's where the growth needs to happen. But if it's dread, that's misalignment. If you are dreading doing something in your business over and over again, that's because maybe it's not for you. Maybe that's not the right opportunity. Maybe that's not the right role for you be doing. I dread tax time. I hate it. And in fact, right now I am looking at the calendar and I see that
It is the last day of the month, and that means it is time, or the last day of the quarter, which means it is time to start filing my GST because I do it on a quarterly basis. And I dread the end of the quarter. I dread going through it all and calculating it, and it's not that big of a job. It's not that complicated at all, but I dread it. And that tells me that this is not a good use of my time. This would be better done by a bookkeeper.
free up my time to do what I actually enjoy doing. So that is something that's on my list is to find a good bookkeeper.
Teri Holland (17:26.766)
So let's look at this example a little further. So it might be easy for someone to say, you're afraid of doing it. I'm afraid of doing my GST. I'm dragging myself through it because I don't enjoy it. I hate it. Notice the difference. Guys, stop.
Teri Holland (17:52.568)
And then finally, listen to your body. Ask yourself, is my body saying no? Chronic exhaustion, tension, burnout, anxiety, these can all be signs that you're out of alignment. Sometimes your nervous system knows before your brain knows. I always feel stress in my body before my brain recognizes that the stress is present. And so if someone were to ask me, are you stressed? I need to check in with my body to go, well,
up here I don't feel stressed but what has my body been doing lately? Have I been exhausted? Am I feeling tension? Then maybe there's more stress there than I realize.
Teri Holland (18:39.724)
And here's your bonus gut check for you.
If you're ever unsure, ask yourself if I knew that no one would be disappointed.
Teri Holland (18:56.17)
ask yourself if I knew that no one would be disappointed and I didn't need to explain myself would I still choose this? If the honest answer is no and it's not just fear talking that resistance might be your permission slip to resist what you're no longer aligned with.
And that's what really helped me come to my decision yesterday about leaving a certain group.
that I realized I was more worried about disappointing others and having to explain why I was leaving.
And that was all the information I needed.
Teri Holland (19:46.774)
Okay, now let's do a really quick little mindfulness exercise if you are up for it. And as always, if you're driving, if you're doing anything which requires your conscious attention, just turn the podcast off now. But if it is safe for you to do so, then by all means, continue with me.
Teri Holland (20:07.264)
Okay so if it is safe to do so just take a moment and close your eyes. Take a deep breath in.
and let it go.
Teri Holland (20:23.446)
Now bring to mind something that you've been resisting. Don't judge it. Just notice it.
and ask yourself, what might this resistance be trying to show me?
What do I need in order to move forward with ease?
Teri Holland (20:51.006)
take a moment to allow the answer to come to you.
Teri Holland (21:01.376)
You are allowed to go at your own pace. You are allowed to evolve. You are safe to succeed.
and resistance is not your enemy, it's your guide.
Teri Holland (21:19.212)
Now, if this episode spoke to you, if you found a message inside your own resistance, I would love to hear about it. Take a screenshot and tag me at the Terry Holland on Instagram. Or if you're watching this on YouTube, just put it into the comments and let me know.
What message did you find in your resistance? And if you're ready to dig deeper and to do the real mindset work and build unstoppable momentum, then come join me for a consultation and we'll talk about how we can work together on a deeper level. Because success starts in your mind and you're already on the path. So thank you for joining me today. As always,
If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend who needs to hear it and hit that subscribe button. Thank you so much. I will be back again next week. Bye for now, my friends.
