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At the beginning of this year, I said that I had no goals for the first time in, I don't even know how many years. I had no goals. Not for my business, not for my personal life, not for my health, nothing. And it was a really strange feeling because usually at the beginning of every year, I have a clear vision of what I want the year to be.
But at the beginning of this year. My mind was blank. I couldn't think of a thing, and I mean, I could force myself to sit down and go through the process of writing a goal, but it would mean nothing to me because it really wasn't something I wanted. And so for the first time in, I don't know how long I went into this year, completely open.
And not just open, but I decided to leave it in the [00:01:00] hands of God. Now, this might feel weird to you if you are not used to people talking about God or their relationship to God, and if it feels better for you, just replace that word God with universe. But for me, I, I use the word God. That's what connects me.
So. I decided to hand it over to God and say, God, whatever is in alignment with my highest purpose, my greatest good, I'm going to trust that you will direct me towards it and anything that is not for me, you'll steer me away from it. But you are driving the bus now and I am gonna be your faithful passenger, and I will follow wherever you take me.
And I'm gonna give you the update in this episode and tell you what this has led to.
Welcome to Success in Mind, the show for high achievers, deep thinkers and bold creators who know that [00:02:00] true success starts from the inside out. I'm Terri Holland, and every week we'll dive into the mindset, habits and strategies that unlock your potential and help you to create the future you actually want personally and professionally.
If you're ready to rise, this is your space. Let's get your success. In mind.
So I have to admit, I do feel a little bit weird talking about this, and I was just talking to a friend about this yesterday about how it shouldn't feel weird to talk about God, but it does, because we just don't, in our world, at least in my world, we, we just don't. And even though I've been having more of these conversations with people one-on-one, it ha it's not universal.
And it feels backwards to me because I think this should be the most natural thing for us to talk about is our connection, our relationship with God. [00:03:00] So just know that I feel very vulnerable in sharing any of this with you, because I know some of you are not going to be okay with this, and I'm okay with it because I.
I think it's important, and besides, this is exactly what I'm doing this year, and so I'm not going to tell you it's not what I'm doing. This is what I'm doing. So I handed it all over to God and so far this has been the easiest year yet. Like we are pushing up to the end of the first quarter of the year, and.
This has been a fantastic quarter for me personally. Professionally, health-wise, everything just feels like it's flowing now. I did set one kind of goal at the beginning of the year, if you remember. I said that after I realized I had no goals. One that came to mind was to grow this [00:04:00] podcast to 15,000 downloads per month.
I believe that that was God leading me because that came after I decided to put it in God's hands. And then that idea just dropped into my mind of 15,000 downloads per month. I'm not gonna tell you I'm there yet. I'm not there yet, but I am seeing steady growth with my podcast again, and not just this one, but also what the poop that I have not put much effort into.
And. I should probably explain what, what the poop is because I don't know if all of you know what that is, but I started a second podcast last fall called What The Poop, and it's about thriving through invisible illness, specifically ulcerative colitis, which is my autoimmune condition that I've lived with since childhood.
And like it's literally we talk about poop. So I decided to just own it and call it what? The poop that show I have not put a lot of. Attention into, it's a passion project. I do it when I have time to do it. [00:05:00] I do it when I'm inspired to do it. I don't put any marketing effort into it, and it is growing steadily, organically, and really, really well.
So both podcasts are doing very well and growing in the direction I want, and that's exciting to me. So that was one thing that's happened. But also in my business, I have never felt more clearheaded and more aligned with what I'm doing and where I'm going, what my purpose is, and how I am best to serve my little piece of the planet in this lifetime.
And what's also interesting to me in how this is working is the things that aren't meant for me. Have become so clear and they become clear fast. I'm gonna give you an example. There's a course I wanted to take and I've wanted to take this course for years. I've wanted to train in a specific skill. [00:06:00] I'm gonna be vague here.
I'm not gonna say exactly what it is because I don't know if the person who created the course listens and I don't want it to. Um. I don't want anyone to know who I'm talking about is what I'm saying. Okay. So there's a course that I've wanted to take, I've wanted to take it for a while, a skill I've wanted to learn, and a person who I know and who I have worked with personally decided to offer a training in this skill as a beta test, very specifically, um, for people that.
They had already worked with, who had experienced her services and offering it at a really great rate. And the first thing that happened, I was so excited. At first I was like, yes, I've been wanting this. Great. And then the first barrier to doing it was that it was going to be Monday to Friday, one full week, five days, eight hour days.
[00:07:00] And right now, the way my business is and my clients, it wasn't enough notice for me to take a full week off. And I didn't wanna do that to my clients. I had just taken a week, you know, a few weeks off over the holidays. I took another week off when I did my TEDx talk. Um, I just, I didn't wanna do that. I didn't wanna do it.
I like preparing. Better for time off. And so I said, oh, that's not gonna work for me right now. It's too short of notice to give my clients and rearrange things. And, and you know, on a side note, I would rather take that time off to go on a vacation with my husband. Like if I wanna take time out of my business and away from my clients for a week or two, I, I wanna do something with my husband and with my dogs, and.
Rest. And so then she said, because it's gonna be a small group, she said, well, let me see if I can change it and we'll do it over a Thursday to a Sunday. So Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. And those days will be like, 10 hour days will be a bit [00:08:00] longer, but then you still have part of your work week. And I said, at first I said, yeah, that should be better.
But then when I thought about it, I thought, no, that doesn't work. My husband is back to work. He had some time he. Took a leave for a while, but he's back to work and I don't have anyone to take care of my dogs on the Thursday and Friday. My, my whole life is predicated on me working from home and my dogs' lives are predicated on me working from home.
So I don't have anyone to take them for two days and I'm not gonna put them in daycare. We have a fabulous daycare I could use and they love going there, but. That wouldn't even work because like there were just so many factors. It wouldn't work because of the timing of when the daycare opens. When I would have to be at the course when my husband needs to be at work, and the drop off time and the pickup time for the dogs just wouldn't work.
So I said, I don't have dog care. My husband's back to work and I can't leave my dogs for 10 hours. Like that's. [00:09:00] That's not okay. So then she came back to me again and said, well, what if we do it over two weekends? We'll do a Saturday, Sunday, and then a couple weeks later do another Saturday, Sunday. And I said, yeah, that, that would work.
So it seemed like, okay, it's lining up. And then, and then I took, it snowed here, and I took three bad falls on the ice within two days. And I was already dealing with a injured SI joint, a sacroiliac joint to my lower, lower back, lower lumbar, and it's been persistent for years and I've been finally dealing with it once we figured out what it was.
And so I was just, just like lining up physiotherapy to deal with it. I fell three times on the ice within two days. Was in so much pain. It also aggravated my TMJ, my jaw. And my [00:10:00] jaw was like locked. Like I couldn't fully bite. I couldn't fully close, and it was in a, an excruciating amount of pain and constant headache.
So suddenly I had all these medical expenses. Now I have great benefits through my husband's work, and I'm super grateful for that. But I had to submit all these claims and this course, the person running the course only takes etransfer for payment, doesn't take credit cards, so suddenly my cashflow was reallocated to multiple physio appointments.
My physiotherapist is amazing. Because that is more expensive than your average physio. So all these physio expenses, massage expenses, uh, chiropractor and I went for Botox from ATM J. 'cause that in my experience, has been the best thing to release that muscle. That was another unexpected expense. So all this cash suddenly going out and I'm looking at the expenses I have in my personal [00:11:00] life that I, you know, that I need to pay and I'm looking at.
My business expenses that were coming up all around that time, and I thought, I can't pay for this course this week until I get reimbursed from the benefits, because otherwise I will be, I will be way too tight. Things will be too lean for the week, so I let her know, Hey, I'm gonna sign up. I just have to wait till I get reimbursed on these medical expenses because I just paid out.
It was unexpected. I paid out all his money. If she took credit cards, I would've just put it on a card and paid it off after, but. What I got back from her was this message that was very shame ridden, very. It felt very manipulative. And now I don't think this person, I don't think she intended for it to be that way at all.
I know her. I know she has a good heart, but the way it came across was very. Shameful like, like you know that when you put [00:12:00] money into something, that energy keeps you motivated. All this stuff. And I read it and it just gave me this ick feeling like this, ugh, I don't like this feeling. And I didn't want that to interfere with me not doing a thing that I really wanted to do.
Also, I know this story is getting long, so please bear with me. I'm getting to the point. So I talked to my husband about it and he said I, I wouldn't do it. I also had another strange experience with the same person several years ago, and he said, this is just like that other time, I don't, I don't think you should do it.
And I'm the kind of person who likes to talk things through with three different people. I need three perspectives. So I talked it over with my husband. I talked it over with another friend who said, well, maybe, maybe you know you. You do it because you wanna learn it, and you just put your personal feelings aside.
And I thought, okay, fair enough. And then I talked it over with another friend who has also been my business consultant and said, what? Like what do you think about [00:13:00] this? What would you do? And he said, absolutely not, because that is gonna taint your experience in the course. Whether that was her intention to make you feel that way or not, doesn't matter how you feel is going to taint your experience and your learning in the course, and you won't get out of it what you want to get out of it.
And I thought, okay. That resonated as true and, and my husband is always very correct in these things as well. So I'm like, well, my husband is telling me not to do it. My trusted friend business consultant is telling me, no, don't do it. And that that hit his truth for me. And then I realized. This is the stop point.
This is what I asked for, that if something is not aligned for me, make it really clear. And I reflected back and I realized all the scheduling issues. And I kept pushing through, pushing through, making it work. And then I think God was finally [00:14:00] like, I'm gonna make this really clear to you that this is not for you.
And it became so clear. And this is when I started to realize I've had these moments before and I didn't recognize what was happening, but I've had things in the past where there was a full stop and I couldn't explain it because it'd be something I really wanted to do, but I could not hit send on the keyboard or buy now or what.
I just couldn't do it. Even though I had the resources, the time, everything seemed right, I couldn't do it, and then later I would find out why. So, for example, in 2020, I was scheduled to speak at a very big conference. I was so excited about it. It was in Orlando. I was so excited. It would be my biggest speaking gig at that point to date, actually, I think still today, it would still be considered my biggest speaking gig had I done it, [00:15:00] and I would have to pay my own expenses.
So I would have to pay for the flight and the hotel. But I knew the opportunity was huge and would put me in front of the right people and I would make the right connections. And so I just, I couldn't do it. I had the money, I had the resources, and every time I looked at flights, no matter how good the deal was, I just couldn't buy my flight and I just could not book that hotel.
And this was in January of 2020. The conference was scheduled for May, and every time I thought I better book that. I couldn't do it. I, I physically could not make myself do it, and I didn't see what was happening. And then March came along and, you know what happened? The world shut down. Everything closed, everything was canceled, and people were scrambling to get their refunds back from airlines and hotel 'cause, and, and [00:16:00] it hit me that.
Wow. Had I booked the hotel and the flight, I would be out of that money. I would be in the same situation as all of these people scrambling to cancel things and get a refund, many of whom never got their refund. And yet I wasn't in that position because something inside me told me do not pay.
And looking back now, I'm understanding. That was God at work saying, no, this isn't for you. I had a similar experience, um, fairly recently as well. It was a mastermind I wanted to join and I was so interested in it. I really wanted to do it and I, I, again, I had all the resources. It was totally aligned with my budget and you know what I would allocate to something like that for the year.
I could not. I could [00:17:00] not register, and I didn't know why I couldn't make myself do it. I don't know why. I don't know why yet. That hasn't come to fruition. But it wasn't for me and I just had this feeling, this is not for me, even though I wanted it. And even more recently, there was a networking event that I wanted to go to, and I woke up that morning and.
One thing about me is I'm the kind of person, if I register for something and I say I'm going, I will show up. Unless I am on my deathbed, sick, unless I'm sick and I don't, you know, I don't wanna infect other people, I will show up. I am, I do not cancel things last minute and I will up that morning and I couldn't go to the event.
I can't explain it. I was healthy, I was fine. I was rested. I had cleared my calendar for it. Everything was lined up to go. I could not go to the event, and it [00:18:00] was such a strong feeling of do not go. And so I messaged the organizer and I said, I am so sorry. I'm not gonna be able to attend today. I apologize for the short notice.
And she was very gracious and said, not a problem, Terry. We'll see you next time. And then when I saw photos of the event, there was a person there that I would never wanna be in the room with a person there who. Caused me a lot of pain in the past. And although I would've been okay being in the room, I would prefer to not ever share a physical space with this person.
And I hadn't seen this person in many years. And that person was at the event and I saw the photo and went, that's why I was being spared from having to be in a room with this person. And so all of this to say that what I'm recognizing now is that this strategy that we'll call it, that I'm working with.
[00:19:00] Just handing things over to God and letting God take care of it is I feel like I'm being directed in the most beautiful way, and everything is flowing with ease. The right people are coming into my life, the right clients are coming to me. I was looking at it yesterday. I was thinking about. The clients that are currently on my roster that I'm working with one-on-one, and just how absolutely incredible each one of these individuals is.
And that's not to say that past clients haven't been, but these ones, like the ones I'm working with right now, are so aligned with what I love to do and who I love working with. And the problems we're working on are so aligned with the problems. I really love helping people solve. I just feel incredibly grateful and blessed.
Now, I'm not saying all this to say, this is what you should do too, and just hand over your life to God and say, Hey, [00:20:00] you direct me. You steer the ship, but it is working for me. It is working, and I have no idea what my message to you and is to my message for you in all of this is other than maybe if you feel like you're missing that connection.
With your spiritual side, with God, creator, universe, whatever it is within you to explore that. And that is maybe your calling to connect to that part of you. So take from this whatever you will, but I said there would be an update. This is the update. It is working very well. I will give you more updates on how it goes and if you are not subscribed to my other show what the Poop, I'm also gonna be talking about how the reason I, I'm doing this, not the reason, but kind of what made me realize that this is what I needed is because of an experience I had with [00:21:00] my ulcerative colitis and handing it over to God.
And I'm gonna share that story. On what? The poop, I haven't recorded it yet, but it's coming. It'll be the next episode of what? The poop. So if you're, if you wanna hear more about that, go and subscribe to what The poop and then you'll. You'll get that story when it comes out. Um, but otherwise, just note that podcast is fully about ulcerative colitis, so it might not be for you.
If it's not for you, it's not for you, and that's fine. Anyway, thanks for hanging out with me today. I really appreciate you. If you're not already subscribed to the show, hit that subscribe button on whatever app you're listening on because then you get the updates when the new episodes come out. Thank you so much for being here today.
My friends and I will be back with you next week for another episode of Success in Mind. Bye for now.
